wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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