Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
