We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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