I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
