Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
do herpes really smell.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
