Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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