addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
