the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
