i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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