Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
