The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
