you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
