My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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