I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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