and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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