Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
