It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize