I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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