i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
