party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
