i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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