she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
