No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My bed smells like the plague
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize