I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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