When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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