Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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