I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
