my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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