...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
