Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
