And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
