I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
