once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
