You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize