if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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