i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
