this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my shit smells like andre
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
