totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
