As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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