So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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