I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she looked like the before picture.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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