After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
