fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize