Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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