He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The air taste purple.
Randomize
