Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
