you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
