I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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