I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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