hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize