I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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