his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just googled if crying burns calories
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
