There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
