my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
