Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
