Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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