It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
