At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
