Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
