my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
