he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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