so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
