How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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