Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
