Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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