i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
