Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
