Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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