we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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