im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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