if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
