my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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