im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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