On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
