being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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