yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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