Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
