Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
