i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
