Who wears a wallet chain?!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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