Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
