I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize