Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize