This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I could fuck to npr.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
