Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
