A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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