You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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