glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
