Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
