Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
tell me about the fingering
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