dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was like eating out sand paper
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
