Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
