I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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