I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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