I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is wine microwaveable?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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