I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
