Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize