I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
