he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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