I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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