i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
