I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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