I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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